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A LOW
STRESS LIFE
by Michael Kimmel
Today I got a call from a new client, who asked me, “Can you help me
lower my stress and anxiety? I don’t want to take medication. Oh, and
by the way, I’m kinda depressed too.” This is a common request.
Despite TV commercials that show relaxed, happy people running in
fields, blessed out on their new anti-depressants or anti-anxiety
medications, many people don’t want to take pills. Many pills have a
lot of side effects, some of which may be worse than the anxiety or
stress itself. And many people don’t want to feel “dependent” on
pills. I am not an MD, so I don’t prescribe medication for my clients.
For some people, medication works. For the rest of you who prefer to
lower your stress and anxiety without medication, this column is for
you. Here are some suggestions for reducing your stress, anxiety, panic
and worry without taking medication.
Try a simple 3-5 minute meditation:
sit comfortably in a chair or sofa and let your feet rest easily on the
floor. Relax and allow the chair to hold you up; you don’t have to do
anything. Let your eyes gently close. Put your hands on your stomach
and begin to breathe deeply and easily. As you breathe in, say to
yourself, “I am breathing in.” As you breathe out, say to yourself, “I
am breathing out.” Notice the easy rising and falling of your stomach
as you breathe. If thoughts come into your mind, notice them and say to
yourself, “Oh, there’s a thought” and let it go. Let the thoughts be
like clouds: they float into your mind and easily float out. Enjoy
your breathing.
Get away from people on a regular basis.
Even if you adore your partner or you are the mother of 5 kids, you need
to get away from people on a regular basis. One client I know – a
stay-at-home dad - leaves his beloved partner and their son and goes to
a coffee shop and sits, reads the paper and people-watches at least once
a week. Another client of mine takes a bubble bath and locks the door.
Her partner and kids are not allowed to disturb her during her 30
minutes in the tub.
Create a relaxing morning and evening routine.
When you wake up and just before you fall asleep are two times of day
when your mind is very vulnerable to positive and negative influences.
Even if you’re super-energetic, don’t just leap out of bed and try to
control your day from the get-go. Let yourself wake up gradually…you
might even make a statement of gratitude like “Thank you for another
day.” This sets the tone for your day. You can also do the 3 minute
meditation (see above) when you wake up. Before going to sleep, don’t
read the newspaper or watch the news; you don’t want to take all those
disasters to sleep with you. Instead, create a simple routine for
yourself that calms you and sets the tone for the kinds of dreams you
want to have.
Get enough sleep.
Experiment: find out how many hours of sleep really makes your body
happy. What time is it best for you to go to bed/wake up? Don’t
compare yourself with other people, your body is unique. Once you find
what works, stick with it as much as possible. A predictable sleep
schedule promotes deep REM stress-reducing sleep.
Moderate your sugar, caffeine and alcohol intake.
Sugar and caffeine highs and the crashes that follow make it hard to
stay relaxed and grounded. Alcohol can temporarily relax you, but you
pay a price later…usually in lousy sleep or low energy the next day. If
you know you’re going to be drinking a lot, keep the next day as
undemanding as possible.
Find outlets for your anger and frustration.
You can’t live in this world without getting pissed off at times. Even
the Dalai Lama loses his temper and Mother Teresa was no pushover. For
some of us, this means a physical outlet. I used to have a punching bag
suspended in my bedroom, and I’d hit it with boxing gloves when I was
frustrated or annoyed. Writing can be a good way to discharge intense
emotions. So can music: I had a client who used to sing along to
Nirvana’s “Stay Away” when he was in a shitty mood. The song was
aggressive and angry, something we all need to allow ourselves to be
from time to time. Some people go dancing at Rich’s or Numbers and
sweat through their clothes, thoroughly discharging the crappy emotions
they’ve held onto all day.
Know your limits.
Sometimes, feelings of anxiety, panic or depression are too much for
us. If you have suicidal feelings, pay attention: this may be a sign
that you need professional help. Call your doctor, therapist or the 24
hour suicide prevention line at 800-479-3339.
In this world, living a low-stress life is an ongoing challenge.
Whether you live on a farm in Jamul or in the center of Hillcrest,
there’s no escaping stress, anxiety and worry. The above ideas are a
start. Over the years, my clients have found that this stuff works when
they do it, but it’s hard to do it all the time. Not a problem. The
focus here is on a long-term, sustainable reduction of stress and
anxiety in your life. Try these ideas and see if they work for you,
keep the ones that do and let the others go. Feel free to Email me and
let me know how they work for you.
Affirmations – useful or New Age fluff?
“A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities”
A Low Stress Life
Could I Bisexual?
Bad Boys and Good Boys
Balancing Heart, Mind and Dick: A primer for Gay Love
Bathhouse Revelations
Clothes, creativity and self expression
Codependent? No more!
Curiosity and Passion
Developing “Boyfriend Radar”
Don't let your good intentions become great
disappointments
Drama Queens (and KINGS)
Everything pisses me off! Do I need Anger Management?
Fixing a saggy sex life
Gay Couples and "The Three Year Itch"
Getting along with difficult people
Happiness: What is it and how to get more of it
Having fun at parties: don't get stuck with the duds
How to make internet sex work for you
I hate the holidays!
Just what is age-appropriate behavior?
Lower your Stress, Reduce your Anxiety and Decrease your
Panic Disorder
Married to a Sex Addict
My best friend is a sleazeball
No One’s Faithful Anymore
Playing the Blame Game
Sleeping with my girlfriend (and her dad on the side)
The "D" word
The Healthy Side of Internet Sex
The Joy of Condoms
The Peter Pan Syndrome
To Botox or not to Botox: That is the Question
Unlearning Jealousy
Whatever happened to Romance?
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Why is being a part of a gay couple so much work?
Yoga + weight training + meditation - happy mind, body and
spirit
Young, HIV-positive and totally bummed
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