Am I
Codependent? What is Codependence? - 2
The codependent's
self-concept has developed around the needs of others instead of
developing in its own right. As children, most codependents felt
responsible for other family members' feelings or behavior. If a family
member was unhappy or in trouble, the codependent child came to believe
that it was his or her job to "fix it." Later as an adult, others came to
depend upon this person for help, especially in crisis. This person, who
was and is always so good at helping others, is you, the codependent.
Codependency can be
called an other-addiction. The other that they are addicted to may or may
not be another person. If it is a person, they may or may not be
chemically dependent. The codependent could be addicted to approval or
affirmation of others. They could only be happy if others "make 'them feel
happy. They also can be "If-only" addicted. If only XYZ would happen, then
they think they will be happy. They are looking for people, things, or
circumstances outside of themselves, or how others react to them to bring
them happiness. The problem with this is that it doesn't work! We have no
control over how others feel or act towards us. It is not anyone else's
responsibility to make us happy. We set ourselves up to be unhappy if we
need others approval or acceptance to find any happiness.
Sometimes the person we
are in a relationship with doesn't contribute anything to the home or
relationship, and just sits back and lets us do all of the work. The hard
working one in the relationship can become very tired and even resentful.
They start out "rescuing" the partner. Then they begin to resent the
partner. This is especially true when the "victim" is not grateful.
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