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Am I
Codependent? What is Codependence? - 3
Eventually this
resentment can spill over and the person who began as a rescuer might
become abusive and the one not doing her or his share becomes a victim.
Often the person being "rescued" starts to feel either incompetent or
guilty. Then they may lash out at the rescuer. And the rescuer can feel
extremely frustrated that they are not appreciated. After all, a lot of
their rescuing is done to meet their need for approval. The person who has
been overdoing it starts to see that person not doing his share as being
incompetent. Then they might lash out at the rescue and become a
persecutor. It just can become downright ugly.
Codependents often
struggle with an overwhelming need for approval from others around them.
Sometimes they will do things that are against their values or standards
because of their great need for others to approve of them. Often, their
need for approval will drive them to burn themselves out, to please others
and give, give, give. Even if they are exhausted and feeling resentful,
they don't think they should feel that way. So, they push on.
Codependent people may
also have difficulty owning their own feelings. While everyone experiences
a wide range of feelings, codependent people tend to experience them in a
way that completely overwhelms them. This is because their feelings may
have been minimized in the past- possibly for years. To deal with this,
they desperately begin to seek affirmation of their thoughts and feelings.
In doing so, they begin to place more importance on other people's
opinions than on their own. They have learned not to trust their own
feelings, and eventually cannot even recognize them, since they are so
accustomed to "feeling the way they 'should feel'" in certain situations.
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