Am I
Codependent? What is Codependence? - 4
Another type of
codependency shows up with feelings of worthlessness. These are people who
feel that they have to be perfect (always doing for others, doing well,
and never making a mistake). Often they feel that to have any value, they
have to earn it and be good enough. Some feel so worthless that they can
begin to think and feel that they do not deserve to live. If they feel
that they are a failure, then even a very minor mistake can only confirm
to them their belief that maybe they really are worthless. The feeling is
very real, can build quickly and help should be sought by those who feel
that way.
The truth is that nobody
is perfect. We all make mistakes. Most mistakes can be fixed. Most people
will forgive us. Even if the mistakes we make are huge, unfixable, and
unforgivable, we still can make changes. We have great value to others who
are in our lives and to God as well. Pia Mellody says that. " I can admit
to myself that I have worth [even though I am imperfect) and have joy
about my worth but also experience pain when I know that my imperfection
causes trouble for me and others in relationship with me.
When we make a mistake,
and then feel like a failure, we get the focus wrong. If we are saying to
ourselves, "Oh I am a failure, no good " (or whatever our version of
torment is) then we are not fixing the mistake that we made.
First it isn't true that
we are a failure and we will be miserable for nothing. Secondly, if we can
look at how we have hurt the other person, it will help us to show them we
care about the pain we have caused and want to change. Also, it might help
us to avoid repeating the mistake.
Source: National Council
of Codependent
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