Clothes, creativity
and self expression
by Michael Kimmel
Have
you ever heard someone say, “Oh, his house is so gay” or “She dresses
like such a femme”? No? Well, maybe it’s just me, but so many people
seem to define themselves by their image (their clothes, house, car,
etc.). There’s a desperation I see in some people that makes them
feverishly try to look like some magazine ad or doesn’t let them rest
until their home looks like the centerfold in ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST.
It’s hard to have fun and be creative when your standard of beauty is
someone else’s. Whatever happened to pleasing yourself? Has creative
self-expression gone out of style? Are we all a bunch of fashion and
design clones?
I
don’t think so. There are loads of creative souls here in San Diego’s
LGBT community…a look around at any community event, club or restaurant
gives evidence of that. But how about you, dear reader: how creative
do YOU feel? Does your life feel like an amusing and enjoyable process
of ongoing creativity? No? Well then, read on…let me present some
ideas here for your consideration on how to make your life more
creative, playful and fun.
Magazines like VOGUE, DETAILS, HOUSE BEAUTIFUL…even BUZZ…are tools for
inspiring your creativity. You can use images from a magazine (or
movie, YouTube video, etc.) as inspiration to be playful or you can use
them as a standard that you must meet or else you’re a loser. When you
look at the fashion ads in magazines or the editorial copy (the
non-ads), you are bombarded with thousands of visual images. Media use
images to sell things, but why not use these images to inspire you to
create yourself and your life? Just because you grew up the way you
did, do the job you do and have the friends you have doesn’t mean you
have to stay the same old you for the rest of your life.
Do
you ever feel like you’re in a rut? Getting out of it can be as easy as
applying a little playfulness and creativity to your life. The process
doesn’t have to be expensive, you can have as much fun in the dollar
bins at Target as you can in the Armani department at Neiman
Marcus…maybe even more! For example, let’s look at your clothes: why
do you dress the way you do? To be safe? Creative? Attractive? Why
not try a new point of view and see clothes as fun and functional.
Clothes are benign: they just sit there on their innocent little
hangers, unaware we’re going to project our entire future onto their
ability to "impress" someone on a hot date or important job interview.
When did these poor innocent little pieces of cloth and what-not become
such emotion-laden “tools” of seduction, manipulation and competition?
Like
clothing, our homes can be places of amusement, comfort and
inspiration. Or they can be "status traps" with all the pressures of
"never quite good enough", "not chic enough" or (my own cross to bear)
"never tidy enough". Status and insecurity sell home decorating just
like they sell clothing. Whether it goes on your back or your sofa, the
principle is the same: we can use pictures of how other people do
things to get our own creative juices going or we can use these images
of how things “should” be to beat ourselves over the head because we’re
doing it “wrong”.
With
all the home improvement shows on TV now, it’s easy to find yourself
turning to your partner/housemate and saying, "Oh shit, we're doing it
all wrong, our place looks nothing like theirs...maybe it’s time to do
some remodeling. Maybe a nice home equity loan can get us a few
thousand to fix this place up.” Or maybe your sources of home
insecurity are the newly improved McMansions of your best
friends/neighbors/whomever and you tell yourself: “ ------‘s house looks
so good. They just redid their kitchen/bathroom/doghouse and it looks
fabulous...I should do something like that too. This place is a dump
compared to theirs."
Have
you ever driven through the wealthier parts of San Diego and noticed how
many construction/interior designer/plumbing/electrical trucks are
parked all around…seemingly all the time. If you have too much
insecurity and money on your hands, it’s tempting to keep a continual
stream of home improvement projects going. Why do we do this? Why
can’t we get off the treadmill of continually pumping all this money
into our home, wardrobe, etc.?
Because we think it will make us happy/happier. And, it does. For
awhile. And then what? Please understand that I’m all for creativity
and the occasional project that you truly feel moved to undertake, but
what is your motivation for all this “improvement”? And are you able to
stop at a certain point? Or are you an “appearance junky” for whom
nothing (your wardrobe, house, car, hair, body) will ever really be good
enough?
Here’s an antidote; make this your new mantra (cross-legged posture
optional): comparison with other people is bad. Being inspired by
others to do my own thing is good. The object of self-expression is to
enjoy yourself, not beat someone over the head with your new Versace
jacket. Creativity is something we can all enjoy; after all, we’re
creating ourselves all the time. Enjoy choosing your clothes and
decorating your home…let it be fun for you. Try this experiment: the
next time you go into a store, say to yourself: “I am drawn to the
items that are perfect for me…I trust my intuition.” And watch what you
find yourself drawn to. Surprise yourself! It’s a lot more fun than
keeping up with the Joneses.
Michael Kimmel is a licensed psychotherapist (LCSW Lic. #20738) with a
private practice in San Diego. He can be reached at 619-955-3311 or
www.lifebeyondtherapy.com.
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