This is an
advice column I wrote for the San Diego Gay & Lesbian times. In it, the
writer asks for help being assertive in social situations, particularly,
at parties where he is usually "stuck with the duds" because of his lack
of assertiveness and social skills.
Dear Michael:
As the holiday party season is starting, I dread it. Why? Because I
don’t have good social skills. For example, when I’m stuck with someone
boring, I don’t have the ability to short-circuit their going on-and-on,
so I just stand there and go, “uh-huh” or “hmmm” hoping they’ll get the
hint that I’m bored. They usually don’t, and so I get stuck with the duds
and can never seem to get over to the fun people I want to get to know.
Any advice?
Stuck with the Duds
Dear Stuck:
I have three words for you: (1) Assertiveness, (2) Politeness, and (3) A
rehearsed exit line (okay, so #3 has four words, so sue me). Part of
everyone’s repertoire of social skills is learning how to be politely
assertive with people you want to minimize time with. This is where the
rehearsed exit line comes in. Let’s say you’re with Mr. or Ms.
Dull-as-Dirt. After a few (polite) minutes with them, it’s time to be
assertive and bring out your exit line(s). It’s a good idea to have more
than one in your bag of tricks. Here are some possibilities:
“It’s been nice talking with you, but I’m going to walk around a bit now.”
or
”It’s great to see you, but I need to refresh my drink/get some more
food/use the restroom.”
Note that each exit line is a two-parter: the first part is a gracious
thank you/compliment; the second part is telling them that you need to
leave them to do something else. Try these out and I hope you’ll never be
stuck with the “Duds” again.
