Psychologists agree no matter how difficult your spouse appears and how
angry you are, the best gift you can give your children is a unified
parental front. If divorcing spouses have difficulty communicating,
especially about delicate topics, the best option is mediation. It may
seem extreme to resolve differences in holiday scheduling with a
professional mediator, but mediation may accomplish the impossible by
moving past simple scheduling to resolving deeper issues. When parents
sit down and speak freely in a safe and mediated environment they can
express deep feelings. With the goal of conflict resolution, moving
beyond marital difficulties often helps parents to see the benefit for
children to have parents capable of enjoying time spent together as a
family. In the end mediation will help ensure the future of the family.
Regardless of the status of the relationship parents will always be
parents together. Mediation makes it easier for divorced and separated
parents to get along at the holidays and resolve contention. The
mediation process also makes it easier to function as a family at future
celebrations, graduations, and weddings. Overall mediation is an
investment in the stability and happiness of your children.
Speaking of united parents, while many parents wrap themselves up in
creating the ideal holiday few realize the simple truth that their
children have never experienced the "perfect" holiday. They have enjoyed
the frantic carousing of family members crashing into one another while
holding pies, forgetting to turn the oven on, and getting grossed out at
mom and dad under the mistletoe. Parents too often think they can
supplant those traditional holidays past with a pristine fantasy sorely
lacking the old chaos and fun. When everything else in their lives has
been turned upside down it makes no sense at all to turn that cherished
family time into an entirely alien experience. Kids are aware that
something has changed in their world no matter how young they are, and
the risk that they may cherish a hope that everything will return to the
way it once was is more than overbalanced by the comfort of having just
one family ceremony in tact. If parents can possibly put aside your
disagreements for one meal having both parents there to watch presents
being opened or just to enjoy a cup of cocoa together will mean more to
your children than any version of Tickle Me Elmo.
Other Articles by
Richard Gordon
Divorce is never easy, especially for the children
Home for the Holidays
Mediation 101
Mediation of Gay/Lesbian marriages not found in
court
Mediator: "It's not about winning or losing"
Prenuptial Agreements
