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How Well Constructed Are Your
Boundaries
Boundaries are those
invisible lines of protection you draw around yourself; the way you assert
your wants and needs with others. Asserting your boundaries is the way
people know your limits. Healthy boundaries give you freedom in relating
to others and give them a sense of security in knowing what is expected.
Make them too solid and you build walls, too weak and your relationships
become unclear. How well constructed are your boundaries? Take a few
minutes to find out.
I start statements with
"I" rather than "you" or "we." This lets me own what I say and is less
defensive than "you" and cleaner than "we."
My boundaries are
specific and clear. "I don’t accept phone calls after 10 p.m." Rather than
vague and mushy. "Don’t call me too late."
I’m consistent when I
create boundaries. If I say "no phone calls after 10 p.m.," I don’t make
exceptions unless the situation is truly exceptional.
When people attempt to
cross my boundaries, I don’t assume the worst (they don’t care, they
weren’t paying attention, they’re selfish and inconsiderate); I simply
restate my position.
As soon as I realize I’m
in a situation that might be headed for trouble, I announce my boundary.
"I won’t continue talking with you if you raise your voice at me."
I try to avoid situations
and people where I know my boundaries will be continually tested.
Part 1
Part 2
