I hate the
holidays!
by Michael Kimmel
Dear Michael:
I just hate the Holidays!
Ugh! People are so fake and everyone competes with each other for the
best gifts, best parties, best tree decorations. (best egg nog even!)
What can I do to get through this falsely festive time of year?
Signed,
Depressed Already in San Diego
Dear Depressed:
You are not alone: “the Holidays”
(e.g., Christmas, Hanukkah, New Year’s Eve, etc.) can easily become a
series of competitive events that make life miserable for everyone. So,
my simpatico friend, UNHOOK. Shift your mindset. Maya Angelou said
that if you can’t change the situation, then change your way of looking
at it.
You can’t change “the Holidays”
single-handedly. Let’s face it: people are addicted to them! It’s one
of the few addictions that doesn’t have its own 12-step program. So,
start your own. Admit you are powerless in the face of the Higher Power
of RRT (Retailing/Religion/Tradition). Then do your own thing. Decide
how you’d like to spend the next few weeks: Quietly? With friends? At
parties? Out of town? With/without relatives/children/gift-giving? Is
there a spiritual or religious component of the Holidays that you like?
Identify what you want and organize the coming weeks to get as much of
it as possible.
You want to be more genuine and less
fake? Here’s the low-down on “fake”: most people are fake when they
feel insecure or lonely. Pay attention to yourself this month and
notice what you’re feeling: are you waxing nostalgic for a happy
childhood that wasn’t? Are you envious of someone else? Do you feel
disconnected from the “rosy-cheeked masses” in those countless TV and
print ads? If so, notice your unhappiness, be kind to yourself and
you’ll see your own Fake-ness fall away.
Many people feel tense, angry and/or
depressed at this time of year. One thing that works for me is to
volunteer for a good cause: it always lifts me out of my
self-centeredness. So get your butt out of that chair and volunteer:
deliver food to someone, call a children’s hospital or a nursing home
and ask what you can do. Try it! I guarantee you will feel good about
yourself at the end of the day. It’s what I call “The Jerry Lewis
Telethon Syndrome”: no matter how lousy your life feels, after watching
the Telethon and all those brave kids in those awful situations, you
feel better about yourself, your life and your own (now quite small)
problems.
If you actually enjoy giving gifts,
let them come to you as easily as possible. I recommend avoiding
crowded shopping malls. Instead, patronize local, queer-owned
businesses. Let’s give back to our own…and you can easily WALK around
Hillcrest, Mission Hills, Normal Heights, Adams Avenue or Kensington
without spending 20 minutes inching into and out of a mega-mall parking
lot!
The most important recipient of your
love this season is YOU! It’s healthy - not narcissistic - to be kind
to yourself. If you have a family like mine and have been given enough
Christmas-themed polyester sweaters to last a lifetime, make sure you
give YOURSELF something nice for the Holidays. At least you’ll get one
gift you adore! Consider a facial or a morning at a local “spa” with
facial, manicure and that kind of stuff. I recommend booking a massage
by a local masseur or masseuse. We all need to (literally) be touched
in a kind and loving way, especially during times of unrealistic
expectations like “the Holidays”.
And who says you can’t break free of
family obligations and buy yourself a plane ticket somewhere fun and get
the hell outta town. A vacation away from expectations (and family) may
be just the ticket.
Whatever you do, give yourself the
gifts of compassion, kindness and understanding. We are our own Santa
Clauses, so get busy!
