Sarah and Beth have
lived together for seven years. They intended to live happily ever
after, But as too often happens, they drifted apart and their
relationship started to strain at the edges. Communications was cut off.
Sex was a bother rather than a pleasure. They no longer laughed
together. It was time to end it and move on.
Unfortunately there were "entanglements" which had to be addressed.
There was the house they purchased and decorated together. There were
master Card, Visa, Discover and American Express bills to face. There
were life insurance policies taken out during better times. They had but
one car to share between the two of them. Who would get the dog? There
was only one CD player and so many discs. The biggest issue, however,
was Margo, Sarah had given birth, but both were the child's parents.
Where to turn? What to do.
Unlike straight
couples, Gay and Lesbian couples do not have the option of turning to
the law for an answer. Only Hawaii has recognized marriages between same
sex couples as "legal." Normally an act, if legitimate in one state will
be accepted in a "sister " state under the full faith and credit clause
of the Constitution, California, however, has chosen to specifically
exclude Hawaii's marriage statues and continues to treat same sex
marriages as taboo
Straight couples can
use case law and statutes to untangle their relationships and property.
Gay and lesbian couples cannot. The most they can hope for from the law
is to be treated as a failed partnership: a business entity. The law of
this state does not protect the individuals of a same sex marriage as it
does heterosexual couples. There are no rights of spousal support,
visitation, pension benefits or other community property protections.
One solution for this
problem is Mediation. Through this process parties can work on solutions
to dispute which are not available to them through the traditional Court
system. By selecting mediation the parties in a dissolving relationship
are choosing to take charge of their lives by maintaining their sense of
dignity and self-esteem. They are saying that they prefer to end their
relationship in a cooperative, forward thinking way, which minimizes the
anger associated with the break up.
A skilled and experienced mediator is able to create a safe place and a
cooperative environment which encourages the parties to engage in open
and honest discussion. The mediator's role is that of an impartial
neutral. He must identify the issues, explore each parties underlying
interests and balance the power within the relationship.
A mediator is NOT an
advocate for either party, nor does he make the decisions which affect
the settlement. They arc trained to listen and help each of the parties
to stay focused on the task at hand, During the course of mediation the
parties are encourage to discuss all of the issues and explore the
various options which they have to resolve their differences.
The final product of a
successful mediation is a Memorandum of Understanding. For straight
couples it may also be known as a martial settlement agreement, This
contract sets forth the details and specifics of the mutually agreed to
decisions, If either party breaches any of the terms the other has a
right to sue for enforcement in a court of law.
Mediators can come from
man disciplines. They can be rained lawyers, psychologists, Marriage
Family and Children Counselors or any like background. To date
California does not require the mediators be licensed by the state. This
is likely to change by the end of the century.
Other Articles by Richard
Gordon
Divorce is never easy, especially for the children
Home for the Holidays
Mediation 101
Mediation of Gay/Lesbian marriages not found in
court
Mediator: "It's not about winning or losing"
Prenuptial Agreements
