Gordon is a
professional mediator.
"I realized that
adversarial law is wrong in divorce situations. It is more of an
emotional time instead of right and wrong. It is not about winning and
losing," Gordon says.
In mediation there is
no advocacy, he said, he is the neutral one who listens to and hears
both sides' arguments.
As the owner of A Fair
Way Mediation in San Diego, Gordon advises couples that conflict in a
marriage does not have to end in divorce; there are other options.
Some couples who think
they need a divorce may just be going through something temporary and
need counseling, he said. The may not even think about going to therapy
and go straight to lawyers.
According to Gordon,
this is far more dangerous from an emotional standpoint.
Therapist is referring
certain clients to Gordon and he, when necessary, refers clients to
them.
If a couple has reached
a point where divorce is the only answer, Gordon helps them with various
concerns like property, custody, visitations and spousal support.
Same-sex couples also
benefit from mediation.
"We try to embrace them
and use the same body of law that they would use in court if they were
married to the opposite sex," Gordon said.
Problems are worse for
same-sex couples than heterosexual couples, said Gordon, because there
is no body of law.
It's an especially
situations when a couple of the same sex decides to break things off and
there are children involved, he said. If the child has not been adopted
by the partner of the child's biological parent, then he or she has no
legal right to that child once the marriage is over.
Gordon helps the
couples reach an agreement that is in the best interest of the child.
The success rate for
settlements between same-sex couples is just as high as heterosexual
couples, Gordon said. Of course, the time it takes does vary - some
sessions are short while others last for 10 hours in one day, he said.
With mediation, couples
never set foot in court - everything is filed by mail. Lawyers are used
as a backstop to answer legal questions and review documents but do not
help negotiate the settlement, Gordon said. Everything is up to the two
people involved and they are the ones who create the terms for the
marital settlement agreement.
According to Gordon,
mediators are not a threat to lawyers, But rather an enhancement.
Lawyers don't need to deal with little divorces that can be handled with
negotiations, he said. However, lawyers are necessary with situations
involving physical violence. Mediation does not work when there is
unequal bargaining power.
Gordon feels a personal
satisfaction with mediation. He believes he saves his clients time,
money and most importantly, pain.
"I'm pumped after
people leave. I do good," he said.
Other Articles by Richard
Gordon
Divorce is never easy, especially for the children
Home for the Holidays
Mediation 101
Mediation of Gay/Lesbian marriages not found in
court
Mediator: "It's not about winning or losing"
Prenuptial Agreements
